I didn't realize there are still fragments of weighty thoughts buried within me. I got a glimpse of hope this week. Just an inspiring word about weight loss wins from a friend of mine. Something about hearing her words made me feel empowered. The next day was easy and effortless to make great choices and promote my own weight loss. I didn't realize what was happening until reflecting at the end of the day. That's when I realized that I was still carrying around the thought, "This journey is overwhelming." That's a big one I do not want to have. I didn't realize how much weight that thought had on my mind. I didn't know I still felt overwhelmed. Other things have happened this week revealing more and more of my heart to me. I really believe that the physical weight I have is associated with the weight I carry on the inside. I'm not under pressure to "fix" myself. I'm perfectly content to rest. Everyday the truths of my heavenly reality are revealed to me more and more. I know there is much more for me to see, but today I can rest in what I know that I know that I know. I know my God is good. I can trust him. I know his unforced rhythms of grace will effortlessly deliver me as I begin to submit to his great love. I trust him to do that without help from me. I've given this example before, but my life really is like going on a beautiful nature hike. (Something I love to do.) I imagine I have on a back pack and I feel great. Then a rock I've been carrying around works it way to the top of my pack and falls out. No matter how insignificant the weight, I feel lighter and my way is easier now that it is gone. I didn't know I was carrying such a burden around, but I'm happy it is gone. Hope shined a light on the dark weight of "feeling overwhelmed," and helped me to release it at least a little more. It is actually a big deal for me to admit that I am happy and content even though I can't "see" everything yet. God in his goodness continues to reveal the better life to us, but I can be content in where I am today. It's not that I'm "improving," it's that everyday I awaken to his realities of who I am more and more. I let him take out the rocks, the blinders, the weights. Effortless IS the only way....because He IS the only way. I really stand in awe of how good he is. I'm so thankful for his "light."
Nutritional Nugget:
We pulled into a parking lot of a grocery store so that Wayne could run in for a few items. Across from us, another family did the same thing and only the lady of the vehicle got out. As she walked in front of us, Luke says, "Is that someone you feed?" At first I didn't understand, but then I realized he was referring to my work. I said "No." Then he said, "She looks old to me. Why doesn't she live at your work?" ....Oh my funny, innocent, little babes.
I work at several nursing homes. One of my favorite things about my job description is how nutrition related to the geriatric population is different from any other age group. I LOVE to feed these people. It is more important for them to have a little extra padding on them. So "overweight" to most people would be just about right for them. During my internship interview, I was asked, "If you have a diabetic patient in a nursing home who wants a cupcake what would you do." After I answered three times about appropriate interventions to deal with this, the interviewees were still pushing me for the correct answer. I finally became frustrated and said, "One cupcake one kill them." They smiled and said, "That's the right answer."
The more liberal the diet, the better. I wish that every nursing home resident could be put on a regular diet, and then if they have individual needs, we can address those. For example, I would rather give a diabetic whatever he wants, but if he becomes sick and his blood sugar is having a strain even with medication, we can alter his diet then to help control his blood sugar. Or if a person can't get their swelling under control with medications, then let's give them a low sodium diet. This way of thinking is a bit different than the regular "norm", but food is a simple pleasure they can enjoy. I am happy to oblige.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Lesson To Learn
I was telling Wayne that an dear friend gave me some old pictures of me teaching a Kid's Night Out for Halloween many, many years ago. I was cute as a button. (Wink.) I told Wayne that I remember wearing that costume and feeling extremely fat, but I wasn't. Then Wayne says to me, "Did you learn your lesson?" I said, "Yes. I wasn't fat then and I wish I had known it." So then he says, "No. I mean about now. You always think you are fat when you are not."
.....um, that hit me like ton of bricks. It has really stuck with me. He's right, and I still have not learned my lesson. Learning this lesson is now my new goal. I knew about being content and seeing myself as at the finish line, but he totally revealed my heart to me. I can't do it. If I could have I would have. And that is why the best days I have with eating are the ones when I wake up and admit to myself I can't do it and allow his grace to overcome me. The reason I still weigh heavy on the scale is because I think I can. I regularly forget that I can't. When I "fail," I feel condemned and guilty. Then that overwhelming feeling increases my desire for food and draws me into a terrible cycle. I'm thankful my heart was revealed to me. It is a humble lesson to learn.
Nutritional Nugget:
"When in doubt, Throw it out." Period. I don't care if it is an 88 cent can of sweet corn or $16 a pound steak. Nothing is worth the chance of being sick. Just throw it out.
.....um, that hit me like ton of bricks. It has really stuck with me. He's right, and I still have not learned my lesson. Learning this lesson is now my new goal. I knew about being content and seeing myself as at the finish line, but he totally revealed my heart to me. I can't do it. If I could have I would have. And that is why the best days I have with eating are the ones when I wake up and admit to myself I can't do it and allow his grace to overcome me. The reason I still weigh heavy on the scale is because I think I can. I regularly forget that I can't. When I "fail," I feel condemned and guilty. Then that overwhelming feeling increases my desire for food and draws me into a terrible cycle. I'm thankful my heart was revealed to me. It is a humble lesson to learn.
Nutritional Nugget:
"When in doubt, Throw it out." Period. I don't care if it is an 88 cent can of sweet corn or $16 a pound steak. Nothing is worth the chance of being sick. Just throw it out.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Change in the Dressing Room
I've had a very slow weight loss, but not enough that would warrant a new wardrobe. The days leading up to New Year's Eve, I think I can safely say I was sitting in the dark. I woke up with the wrong way of thinking about weight loss for the new year, but then I snapped back into a higher reality and realized that I don't need a resolution. I just needed to give up. YEARS of TRYING to get somewhere has gotten me nowhere fast. The light came on and with it was a decision to rest and be content and just let the Lord give me grace for grace to overcome this. It was a mindset that even if I never lost another pound, I'm happy now. Grace came with the light, and the grace is still here. Instead of walking in the light, this grace seems to be making me leap down it, and I will explain more on that in posts to come. I'm happy with where and who I am. I'm fully content and persuaded. This is the proof in the pudding...I went clothes shopping this week. I have ALWAYS HATED, LOATHED, and DESPISED shopping for clothes for me. ALWAYS in the past I looked at the girl in the dressing room mirrors with disgust. Those florescent lights are just right to point out every flab and flaw. ALWAYS I thought I shouldn't spend money on clothes for "her" because I had intentions of losing weight. I didn't want to waste money on the imperfect girl in the mirror. This time my thinking was unexplainably changed. Even if I drop 30 pounds tomorrow, I'm going to dress up that person I see today and be happy doing it. Don't get me wrong...I still didn't buy anything that screamed out, "Fat Roll Here!" But it felt good to be satisfied. Even if the "flaws" I have today never leave, I'm happy. No matter if I change at all, the truth is still the truth. It was a definite change in the dressing room. I'm content today. Finally it feels like I'm dressing in the "right" light. I know that my Father will carry me the rest of way on this journey, but even if he wouldn't, I'm happy right where I am. Thank God for the light switch being stuck on in 2012. Best year yet!
Nutritional Nugget:
It is strange how excited I am to introduce my flog-readers to "Wet Nesting." In the food service world, it is a big no no to dry dishes with anything but air, but that doesn't mean we can put clean dishes up wet. Finding clean and wet dishes put up in my facilities could win me a state tag of shame. The reason is because some anaerobic critters thrive in moisture areas like that. I've known people who have pulled out dishes they haven't used in a while that are fuzzy with some sort of growth. DIS-GU-STING! The plate WAS clean before putting it up, but it just wasn't dry. The dish became a vacation spot for a little bug and a billion of his closest friends. This is really easy to prevent. Wash your dishes well, then put them away after they have had time to air dry.
Nutritional Nugget:
It is strange how excited I am to introduce my flog-readers to "Wet Nesting." In the food service world, it is a big no no to dry dishes with anything but air, but that doesn't mean we can put clean dishes up wet. Finding clean and wet dishes put up in my facilities could win me a state tag of shame. The reason is because some anaerobic critters thrive in moisture areas like that. I've known people who have pulled out dishes they haven't used in a while that are fuzzy with some sort of growth. DIS-GU-STING! The plate WAS clean before putting it up, but it just wasn't dry. The dish became a vacation spot for a little bug and a billion of his closest friends. This is really easy to prevent. Wash your dishes well, then put them away after they have had time to air dry.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Brand New Year's Day
Well, today is January 1, 2012 and guess what my New Year's Resolution is...
I have not posted anything in what seems like forever. I've tried to "think" of something to post. Nothing was wrong. I guess I just recognized the need to reflect for a time about my journey. I've been writing in this blog for the past six months. It has been a great source of healing for me, but maybe the close of 2011 has me thinking. I've even considered giving up my little floggy-blog. Either way I've come to a conclusion with all this pondering about my weight loss journey. I've discovered that I have no answers and barely anything more to say. I've identified every issue that I feel keeps my attention on my "problem". There are no more points to discuss here, and yet, I'm still fat.
December 31, I woke up thinking about the New Year, and of course, before I had my wits about me, I was placing rules on myself about getting fit for 2012. So the thought that accompanied that was of course that "today" I would need to indulge. ---Eat everything and more today because tomorrow boot camp begins. ...Then I fully woke up. What a horrible way of thinking....and why is that way of thinking still in my head before I am fully awake. I'll tell you why.....I obviously have not been fully persuaded in my heart. Here is the truth. Just the fact I thought about indulging means I'm not ready to take any more steps. If I'm not willing to "Do" right now, then what makes me think I will be willing tomorrow. I might "DO" okay if I slap on a bunch of laws, but I've been down that rabbit trail and it leads to disaster. I don't care if I gain 50 more pounds, I'm NOT going to put myself under law. I think I still may be recovering from the last time I tried a "diet." I refuse that method. I desire to be healthy and fit. So I laid there with my eyes open realizing that whenever I finally decide to "begin" again, it will be because I am lead to out of grace and rest and contentment and NOT because I lack something or need to improve myself. I obviously fail in this area. I've proven to myself time and time and time again that I CAN NOT DO THIS. Why would I ever think I can do anything. So I just laid there and talked with my heavenly Padre. "Lord, give me grace to walk out of this." ...and that was it. There are no rules. There are no formulas. Wouldn't you know....I forgot to eat breakfast. I had a great opportunity to stuff myself for lunch, but I just didn't want to. It took me about an hour to snack on a small plate of finger foods at the New Year's Eve gathering. I don't know about the New Year, but today I wore size grace and that was good enough me. Tomorrow I think I will wake up and put on grace again. It always fits no matter what size jeans I wear. I still feel like I don't really have anything to say, but you know what the best part of the New Year is for me this year? I have no resolution. Thank Jesus 2011 is gone, but I'm not new because of a date on the calendar. Being aware of how I am brand new is something to celebrate, and what a great day today to celebrate even if it happens to be 1/1/2012. I will keep putting on grace and pretty soon my jean size will match it.
Nutritional Nugget: Salmonella
I remember the lecture on Salmonella well. My professor said, "Assume eggs are 100% salmonella." I still think about that every time I crack open an egg. Salmonella is a nasty little guy that can be prevented easily with safe cooking and food-handling techniques. As usual, always wash hands before preparing foods. Make sure work areas and utensils are clean and free from contamination. For example, don't chop veggies on the same cutting board you just chopped chicken. Freezing foods won't kill it, but heat and UV rays do. Cook foods, (especially meats,) to at least 140 degrees for 12 minutes. Wash hands immediately after handling reptile critters especially turtles.
I have not posted anything in what seems like forever. I've tried to "think" of something to post. Nothing was wrong. I guess I just recognized the need to reflect for a time about my journey. I've been writing in this blog for the past six months. It has been a great source of healing for me, but maybe the close of 2011 has me thinking. I've even considered giving up my little floggy-blog. Either way I've come to a conclusion with all this pondering about my weight loss journey. I've discovered that I have no answers and barely anything more to say. I've identified every issue that I feel keeps my attention on my "problem". There are no more points to discuss here, and yet, I'm still fat.
December 31, I woke up thinking about the New Year, and of course, before I had my wits about me, I was placing rules on myself about getting fit for 2012. So the thought that accompanied that was of course that "today" I would need to indulge. ---Eat everything and more today because tomorrow boot camp begins. ...Then I fully woke up. What a horrible way of thinking....and why is that way of thinking still in my head before I am fully awake. I'll tell you why.....I obviously have not been fully persuaded in my heart. Here is the truth. Just the fact I thought about indulging means I'm not ready to take any more steps. If I'm not willing to "Do" right now, then what makes me think I will be willing tomorrow. I might "DO" okay if I slap on a bunch of laws, but I've been down that rabbit trail and it leads to disaster. I don't care if I gain 50 more pounds, I'm NOT going to put myself under law. I think I still may be recovering from the last time I tried a "diet." I refuse that method. I desire to be healthy and fit. So I laid there with my eyes open realizing that whenever I finally decide to "begin" again, it will be because I am lead to out of grace and rest and contentment and NOT because I lack something or need to improve myself. I obviously fail in this area. I've proven to myself time and time and time again that I CAN NOT DO THIS. Why would I ever think I can do anything. So I just laid there and talked with my heavenly Padre. "Lord, give me grace to walk out of this." ...and that was it. There are no rules. There are no formulas. Wouldn't you know....I forgot to eat breakfast. I had a great opportunity to stuff myself for lunch, but I just didn't want to. It took me about an hour to snack on a small plate of finger foods at the New Year's Eve gathering. I don't know about the New Year, but today I wore size grace and that was good enough me. Tomorrow I think I will wake up and put on grace again. It always fits no matter what size jeans I wear. I still feel like I don't really have anything to say, but you know what the best part of the New Year is for me this year? I have no resolution. Thank Jesus 2011 is gone, but I'm not new because of a date on the calendar. Being aware of how I am brand new is something to celebrate, and what a great day today to celebrate even if it happens to be 1/1/2012. I will keep putting on grace and pretty soon my jean size will match it.
Nutritional Nugget: Salmonella
I remember the lecture on Salmonella well. My professor said, "Assume eggs are 100% salmonella." I still think about that every time I crack open an egg. Salmonella is a nasty little guy that can be prevented easily with safe cooking and food-handling techniques. As usual, always wash hands before preparing foods. Make sure work areas and utensils are clean and free from contamination. For example, don't chop veggies on the same cutting board you just chopped chicken. Freezing foods won't kill it, but heat and UV rays do. Cook foods, (especially meats,) to at least 140 degrees for 12 minutes. Wash hands immediately after handling reptile critters especially turtles.
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