Exhaling

The last couple months, my job as a dietitian has been the priority of my life.    I've had to rearrange and quit some jobs in order to make time for more important things like sleep and family.   Friday was the last day at one of my jobs so the past month I have worked extra hard and long trying to make the transition more tolerable.  Because of that, I have put my weight loss journey on the back burner which is exactly the wrong thing to do.  

See, this journey is not as much about weight loss as it is about health and freedom.  I spent less time on exercising, making healthful choices, and getting enough sleep and added an abundant of stress to my daily routine.  I actually had the thought a few times, "I bet this is what death feels like."  Just  yucky.    I know I am more sensitive to the pressures I placed on myself just because I'm more familiar with what it is like to rest.   Thank God for right-minded friends who we're praying for me when I wasn't in my own right mind in dealing with my work.  I know it is silly to exalt an occupation to such a high level for a time, but that is what I did.  Now is the time to reconnect, remember, and rejuvenate.

I know it's the season to eat turkey, candy canes, cookies and milk,  but lately, I've been pondering on what I will call freedom foods.  I once went on a diet just before the holidays many years ago when I thought I was a cow (and wasn't).  And because I wasn't right-minded about eating and weight back then, I gained about 15 pounds.   I actually paid money to gain 15!  The average holiday weight gain is 7 pounds. This is not what I had in mind in striving to be above average.  

 
I no longer feel deprived or any of those other emotions I attached to eating food,  but my flesh feels yucky from treating it so poorly while I adopted some not-so-healthy thinking styles the past few months.   Even though the habits were still lingering in my body this morning,  the voice of LIFE on the inside was thankfully a little louder.  I just had to pick which one was my voice.  I could have sided with the ego....take a lazy day in the name of "recuperation."  But instead, I put my shoes on and went for a nice walk/run.  I feel like a new person because, well, I AM a new person.   

I love what my good friend said the other day.  She wasn't talking about weight loss, but it is a good sound proverb of Truth for every area of life that went something like,  "I won't get wiser, but the junk will come off so I can see more clearly."  That is the God-Almighty Truth!  I've already got all the life, wisdom, and skinniness inside.  It's just time to slough off the junk to expose my true self.

I love our respiratory system.  I find it so interesting how a healthy body  involuntarily breathes in a substance to sustain life then exhales to rid our body of waste.  As I walked/ran this morning, I can tell you I was very aware of my respiratory system since it had been a little while.  As I ran, I allowed that cool, crisp air to cleanse my soul as I inhaled. As I exhaled, I released some of that old crud I have been hanging on to.  I found that I did not have to breathe in more life, I already have that. I was simply aware that things I did not want were leaving my body and only the good remained.  I didn't have to give a name to the waste or think about what it was for this  exercise to be affective.   I just allowed it and could feel the stress leaving my body.   It sort of felt like taking off work clothes after a long day and putting on some yoga pants.  But if I was going to name the stuff that came out, I could probably guess that I was exhaling Stress, Self expectation, Thoughts that I am not enough, Thoughts that I must DO to become, and an abundant of sadness from the recent events in the news.   

I know I still have junk to slough off, but I do feel better now. I am excited for some time to have a re-run tomorrow.  I am thankful I listened to the voice that mattered and not a a voice of laziness.  Thankful I'm  breathing.