The "Right" Way

I am about to get extremely weirdo up in here.

Until tonight, I had not put words to my most recent ponder about pulverizing some L-Bs. I do appreciate hiding from the world behind a monitor. I'm not sure I could show my true colors face to face. I do understand that is highly ironic giving that if I told you, I could easily deny it and internet never forgets. My vulnerable rear end could be plastered on a billboard along the information highway FOREVER. Still, something about this feels so liberating.

I realize that I have eluded to this before. Sometimes I feel like I'm going around in circles. Even though I keep getting a glimpse of the same view, it feels deeper and more real every time I circle it. One day, I expect to "see."

This is what it has been like to be me... I am standing between two ways of thinking. On my right stands my perfect Father who is preparing me as a bride for his son. He stands patiently knowing that I will choose the "right" way. It's literally the only way. He is full of everything wonderful, lovely, and good. I can feel his gaze on me. He is pleased with me. He is patient. He smiles. I feel real with him. Of course I'll choose him. How could I not? But I am distracted. On my left there is a life I have made. It's my life, but it's not my reality. Reality is only to my right. Why do I put so much energy to the ways of the left? Because I made it, that's why. I'm having a hard time letting her go. I have no idea why, and really I don't think the "why" matters. I created her. She's not real. She's a figment of my imagination. She's an imaginary "friend." She's been nothing but a distraction. Nothing good ever came from her, and nothing good can, because she doesn't even exist. She is not my reality. I know I have a personality that has a hard time letting go of things especially relationships. I actually believe I know her. Sounds crazy. Am I afraid of reality me? Am I so prideful that I can't release the "self" that Jesus came to rescue me from? I'm not a fool. I know where my bread and butter is. My oh my, I have a hard time saying good bye. I "worked" on her for decades. I built her. I esteemed her. She is still more familiar to me at times than the real me. The new me. This is a decision to let my "old man" die. I haven't done it. Just because I created her, I want to keep her alive so I've literally been feeding her. ...and she's a big'un.

I heard someone share a morbid dream publicly, but I'm so sorry I can't remember who it was. It has a good interpretation. In the dream, there were babies. One was born deformed and was bleeding out the eyes. That is the baby she kept trying to nurse. Her husband (who represented God,) came in and said, "why are you nursing that baby. You need to let it die." When she woke up, she realized that she was "feeding" distractions in her life that she needed to allow to die and focus on the creations that were real and full of life. Nurse the healthy babies.

I went walking tonight with a dear friend, and that is when I put words to my ponder. I got to the part where I said, "I've literally been feeding a me that is not reality just because I made her and want to keep her alive. I'm going to let her starve!" Then my friend calmly says, "Instead of trying to kill her, why not just realize she doesn't exist."
Um....yeah. Um...that's what I meant. I had forgotten another truth..."fighting" or "rebelling" against something means you still believe in it.

This is "Matix" stuff!
"Don't try to bend the spoon, that's impossible. Only try to see the truth. There is no spoon. Then you will see that it is not the spoon that bends, but yourself." ---Weird Spoon-bender Kid with the sweet voice.

I've been crucified with Christ. Lord, help me see the truth. Looking forward to choosing the "right" way and leaving behind all ME-distraction.

FLOG Time!
I've not Food-logged in a while.
1 cup Fiber One cereal with skim milk.
Coffee (Yes it had creamer! Only sissy coffee for me.)
A few bites of a cheeseburger. (That was on the menu at lunch today at my work.)
1/2 cup french fries with ketchup.
1 chocolate chip cookie.
Unsweetened tea.
Then some REAL sweet tea and it was good, but I only drank a little bit.
An apple.
Salad with craisins and ranch. Mmmmm!
Water Water Water
Small portion of meatloaf.
Small portion of mashed potatoes.
Yummy home-grown corn off the cob.
Small, tiny, baby slice of fudge pie that was unbelievably yummy, but I didn't even want any more.
Water Water Water.

So it's not perfect, but it's real, and it is better. Wins would be only a tiny bit of fluids containing calories. Better intake of fiber. Way smaller portions.

Nutritional Nugget:

I was supposed to take fish oil supplements when I was pregnant with Luke. Um...it wasn't happening. I was sooooooooooooooooooo sick. I took a multivitamin like a good girl, but that nasty fish oil did nothing to help my feeling like I was strapped to the bow of a deep sea fishing boat. Whoa! Disgusting! I quickly got a taste aversion to fish. I'm pretty much back to normal now, but still a little leary of that after-fish taste. Blagh! Here are some things that I read to help keep those fishy bubbles from floating to the surface.
1. Take fish oil capsules with food as in the largest meal of the day.
2. Try a higher-quality supplement. Look for enteric-coated capsules.
3. Switch to spoonable fish oil.