So much for Human Wisdom! Where does that ever get anyone? I'm breaking the cycle, and I think I have just the exit strategy. No more condemnation. When I start to feel bad about myself or notice how fat I still am or getting on myself for allowing myself to get into this despicable state, ---I will remember.
When I think I have to prove something because I'm a dietitian AND a child of the King and weight loss is fruit that says, "I'm right." ---I will remember.
When I place food above anything, ---I will remember.
In reality, I only think I'm being judged because I'm judging myself. And if anyone is actually judging me, then I will consider it a reflection of my judgement for myself. I can only recognize judgment from others when I judge myself anyway.
AND the truth is that I have made huge leaps and bounds on this journey fairly effortlessly. I mean there have been a few bumps in the trail, but there has been change in my heart....the change that truly matters. The past little bit I've allowed myself to be distracted with the slow results. I feel I'm not good enough, because I measured me by what things appear to be instead of what God's Truth is about me.
The state that I am in and my weight may be factual, but it is not the truth. I'm going to "remember" from now on. No more playing games. If I never write another thing about nutrition, then so be it. This is not a bunch of rules to be broken. Yes, there are very practical things that I can do and not do to promote this weight loss thing. I do need to eat less. I've got the eating-to-maintain thing down. I have come that far, but to lose weight properly, I have to eat under what I really need. I was trying to force myself to do that with a diet. I KNOW that doesn't work! Why did I stop by here again? At least it was just a few days. What I will remember is who I am.
I desire weight loss more than anything. I have a problem. I'm fat. But me dwelling on that means I am not content with myself. I see exactly where I want to change. You know what the truth is? That discontentment with myself means that even if I reach the end of the journey, I will likely gain weight again or at best just never really feel happy with myself. No amount of weight can fill up that void of discontentment. There is only one cure and it is not a method or magic formula.
All I need to do is to rest and enjoy the scenery.
Does that mean that I eat a box of donuts for a midnight snack every night? Um...of course not. There is still practical wisdom. And even if I were to want to eat a box of Little Debbie's in one sitting(like that hilarious patient said,) God is so good that he even gives us grace to get grace. When I take the reigns because I'm "Not Satisfied" and discontent, I feel I must DO something about this which means I jump out of grace and rest and into works. I allowed myself to be tempted when I began to feel discontentment with myself. I fell for it when I tried to speed things up with a diet.
Today, I heard a message from the magnificent Bertie Britt. He said nothing about nutritional density or portion control, but what he did say was life changing. He was talking about Jesus in the wilderness after fasting for 40 days and nights. He believes Jesus was hungry since day one, but what he became hungry for on day forty was affirmation that he was in the right place and he was who he was told he was---the son of God. Could he feel "right" even in the dessert where there were no miracles taking place or any voices reassuring him? He became hungry for some tangible proof and THEN Satan was able to come and tempt him. Satan said, "If you are the son of God, turn these stones into bread"....etc. "DO" something to try to fill that void of hunger for affirmation. I learned a long time ago that if you have to do something to PROVE it, then you aren't really what you thought anyway. I mean you never really believed what you thought you believe anyway.
So here I am on my journey. In the weight loss wilderness. Discontented with myself. Not satisfied that slow weight loss is enough. Hungry for proof that my thoughts about this journey are the right thoughts and wanting to prove it to the world for validation.....Isn't that totally DISGUSTING? Perfect storm for me to forget everything I know and fall into temptation. I totally bit the apple. I put a law on myself to break free from the flub. -----a diet. Don't ever. Don't never,never, ever. "Do" only if it is birthed from the inside. You will know because it is effortless change. His burden is easy and light. His reality is already in there. I just forgot for a little while. I don't need skinny me to appear for me to be happy. I don't need to cut my jean size in half to feel blessed. I am blessed because of whose I am. And that's enough. That is totally enough. Everything else is just an extra little goody, but not my source. I must remember in order to continue this journey even if it is just one baby step at a time. (Slow and steady wins the race.)
To quote the last words of probably my all time favorite children's book, "I Wish I Had Duck Feet,"
"And so I think there are some things I do not wish to be,
and that is why I think that I just wish to be like me."
I will continue to make good choices, but out of who I am and not because I am putting myself under some law. I will not think and certainly not say negative things about my weight. I will speak only the truth about me, and truth is what Jesus says about me. I will feast on the BREAD (Jesus) daily and rest in the knowledge of his love for me. Then one day, I'll wake up and wonder where I lost the weight along the way. That will be a neat day.
Nutritional Nugget
How about mashed sweet potatoes?
Bake the whole sweet potato to preserve nutrients. Scrape out the potatoe from the skin and mash. Add whatever you like: Molasses or maple syrup. Just a little milk and butter. Salt, Pepper, Maybe cinnamon. Maybe top with pecans or even marshmallows. As the spirit leads, my friends. (I think I'll have these soon.)
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