Deprivation

What do you think of when you hear the word, "deprivation?"  I get all sorts of ugly images in my head.  A thirsty desert walker is the first thing that comes to mind....and it feels ugly.

Deprivation is destructive.

I went on a diet about 40 pounds or so ago because I thought I was SOOOOOOOOOO FAT. Blardy blar blarr!  I think it was my friend Heather (Hey girl) who once posted something like, "I wish I weighed what I weighed when I thought I was fat."    Yep...Me too, friend.  Me too...   Anyway, I was absolutely mortified to sign up for the diet program.  "No self-respecting dietitian would ever be caught in a weight loss meeting." I thought.  The anxiety was astonishing because I was afraid someone would ask me what I "do for a living."  Can you believe how ridiculous I was?  Good Lawdy!  So I paid good money to show up every week to be weighed.  And every week I weighed heavier and heavier. I would have been better off to stay away from diets altogether!   The scale lady finally gave me a good talkin'.    "Did you realize you gained another 3 pounds this week?  You are eating too much because you feel deprived..."  Then she added a whole bunch "good tips" to help persuade my weight to go the other direction.  I have NO idea what she said at all.  She lost me at "deprivation."  How can anyone do anything in a state of deprivation....a mentality of lack....thirsty in the desert?  There is one thing on that person's mind and it is not the Top Ten Tips To Trim and Healthy.  The thing on their mind is the thing they are deprived of.  I went to classes that gave me rules. The only thing I could think of, the only thing I desired was the things they told me I shouldn't have. The strength of sin is the law, peeps!

Thank God for a boundless life  and for having eyes to see and ears to hear how to get there.

I posted about an inspirational gal a little while back who over four years lost her weight to reach a life of health free from pills.  One thing she says often to me is, "I know myself enough to know I can't feel deprived."    Eating something not in "the plan" is less dangerous than feeling deprived.  She knows the signs of deprivation only lead to trails of treacherous terrain.  Let's not go down that path.

Wayne is exercising and losing weight like crazy. He has now lost 24 pounds.  What! What!  He literally eats what he wants.  He often says, "If you want it, you better go ahead and eat it.  Don't let yourself feel deprived."   Getting free from deprivation is an important lesson to learn on the journey to health.

This life is to be enjoyed.  Let's not get distracted with feelings of deprivation.

The very first post I ever wrote was about the beginning of this weight loss journey and the beginning of "Worth The Weight."  (I was different back then.  Things were more about instruction and obedience than recognizing a oneness and living out of who I am.) In the beginning,  I had been trying to lose some weight and had decided that I was going to "pray" about every single food I would put in my mouth.  Spirit-lead eating.  That would lead to health wouldn't it?  You tell me what to eat, and I'll eat it.  So I did.  I ended up eating a bunch crap out of "obedience to the Lord."   (Are you laughing?)  Nothing I ate would be something I would recommend on a weight loss plan.  So after some crazy meals, I finally asked the Lord, "Um....why do I feel lead to eat all this junk?"  Then he said to me, "Because I want you to see that you are more valuable than what you put in your mouth."  ---I'm worth the weight. And so the road to what I thought was weight loss, was really just a road to self-acceptance, contentment, and rest.

Believe me I know that sounds crazy.  I am really trying hard to be more scientific in my writings, but that really is what happened.  I sort of had a concept of those Jesus-type things.  But acceptance, value, and contentment were things I really only knew in my head.  It would be a good two years before I fully understood with my heart.  Fast forward and I understand freedom from food and weight like never before.  I'm still heavy but it feels like LIFE is just rolling out of me.  I know I still have a lot of weight to lose before I reach my goal weight, but I already feel like I'm living right there.  I don't care what people think or say.  I say things and react to people as if I'm already that healthy weight.  I'm free from feeling deprived.  I had to find who I was at the core before nutritional guidelines could help me out.  Information of nutrition enhances this desire for health like sea salt on a plate of steamed vegetables. I crave to know more because it promotes my desires and enhances the pleasure of health.  I've got so much to share about nutrition and feeding our bodies, but I'm still caught up on this FREEDOM high.

Things are definitely changing.  I went to an exercise class with a bunch of skinnies----I mean really skinnies as in they had arm definition and everything.  Seriously my left thigh weighs more than they do.  I had a BLAST!  Before my change of perspective, all I would have done was compare myself to those good lookin' people. The only thing I would have learned from the class is how much I didn't measure up. Now the voice of deprivation is no longer my teacher.  I enjoyed my class as I enjoy my life.  There is no comparison, because I'm there too....I just don't look like it on the outside quite yet. Sorry, Billy Crystal, but it is better to FEEL good instead of Look good.

I eat what I want seasoned with good nutrition knowledge.  I've lost an average of about a half of a pound everyday.  It's easy.  It's exciting.  It's enjoyable.  Last night the boys asked their daddy to make breakfast for supper.  For those of you illiterate in breakfast, you should know it is NOT an egg white omelet with organic blueberries and a small multi-grain vegan muffin.   We live in the South, Peeps!  We are talking homemade biscuits, scrambled eggs, sausage, chocolate gravy....you know.  The works!   So I decided to eat some.  Even while I was eating it I was thinking, "I don't want this."  But I didn't stop myself.  After I lapped up the plate, I really regretted it.  Not because of the expensive sugar and fat calories, but because I felt so yucky.  It had been a while since I had felt the food-yuck.  Thankfully, I woke up this morning and had still lost another half of a pound.  All day I've thought about that meal. I deprived my body of the pleasure of health---feeling good--- because I ate something that I thought I loved.  Oh it is still tasty.  But seriously that few minutes of taste was not worth replacing the pleasure of feeling good. 

Plain and simple: If we have feelings of deprivation, we are not seeing clearly.  No pressure, my friends.  Freedom will come.  Even our diets are boundless!  Even expectations of ourselves are only illusions! There is no thirst that cannot or has not been quenched.   The strong man has been bound.  The struggle is gone. We are worth more than we think.   Just rest!  Our bodies are designed for health!   Let's love ourselves enough to let health happen!