Pouty Poo Party

This is sort of the "Return of the Jedi" sequel from the previous post called, "I Almost Deleted This Blog."...


I do feel a need to explain myself.... Very often I write a post, but then simmer over it for days or weeks, sometimes months before publishing it.   So if it seems I'm up and down, well....I am, but over long periods of time.

I debated whether or not to post about almost deleting this blog.  I didn't want to be discouraging.    I finally deciding to go ahead and post it because after all, it is still part of my journey.

In the meantime, I did some pondering.  (And I also went back and read some encouraging posts.)  I know there are many reasons for negative emotions, but I think I was just being a pouty poo.  I was feeling sorry for myself.  There is a lot I could analyze about that.   But when simplified to the core, what I found was pride.    ...and pride always come before the fall.  The fall back into habits I left behind.  The fall back into weight gain.

It is prideful to think I'm on this journey to improve who I am.  (I am who I am apart from my weight.)

It is prideful elevating my weight and "diet" above things that really matter. .

It is prideful getting upset because I feel like I have too much to do to exercise.  (You know...everything has a pay off.  I chose to feel that way because I wanted an excuse to feel sorry myself.    It is simply not true that anything was preventing me from 20 minutes of walking....even in the rain.    I could have gone if I wanted.)

It is prideful to feel  sorry for myself.  And even more than that, it is stupid to believe lies that end up being my date to the pity party.  I used to say, "Nobody good wants to come a pity party."   That's still true.

Now it's time to dust off that way of thinking like it never happened.  No guilt allowed even for stupid thinking.

When the pouty poo leaves the party, all that is left is a party.  Now we can get this party started.  Today I do what I want to.  And what I want to do is choose foods I like that make my body thank me for eating them.   I want to go for a walk or maybe a little jog because it is actually very relaxing for me.  I want to go to bed about thirty minutes early so I can read  "Trim Healthy Mama" and enjoy reading about somebody else's journey of health.   I want to live in freedom from food and fat where choosing health is effortless.   That is what I want to do.  I have had times like these before.  I know it is possible.   It's a deep desire within me.  It's my nature.  Plus I just happen to LIKE food and nutrition.  I majored in it for crying out loud.  (My dad says it is fine to go to school for seven years, but usually they are called "doctors".)   yeah....

The struggle for me is to make sure I keep WHAT  I want to do and WHO I am separated.  I'm not the party, but I can go and enjoy myself.    Who's wants to go with me?