It's been a while. I stepped to a little rest area on the side of my journey for almost two months for no real reason. It was just that there was no emotion driving to me to post in my blog. It's not that I didn't want to. It is more that it felt right to not work anything up.
I'm very thankful for this blog. "Worth The Weight" has been an all-purpose tool for not only my weight loss journey, but unexpectedly all areas in my life. It seems I had a lot of cleaning up to do. I have met myself on this little path. (Is this what they call, "Serendipity?" Good things you find on your journey as you travel to something else?) I pulled off to enjoy the scenery a bit. What seems to the "naked" eye to have been no progression, is actually the biggest hurdle conquered, and I can't WAIT to write about it in my next several posts.
I have a dear friend who travels a similar journey. When we speak about our experiences, I find we are on the same path together. (Road trips are always more fun with a friend.) It was during a recent conversation with her that a heart-thought spilled out. I realized this break from my blog was a necessary part of my journey. I know it sounds strange, but I was actually dependent on posting for a while. I had even made this something I expect from myself. It's those subtle expectations that drove my craving for calories. This blog has served as my personal counselor for healing my heart in regard to food, fat, and scads of deeper issues that I didn't know I had. But this break from it symbolizes the end of obligation, and the beginning of a new perspective on this path. I'm learning a bit about marathon running. (More on this later.) One important thing I learned is that when the training makes room for stops, it is vital to rest to heal up. This break in the training makes it possible to finish the race!
Everything looks and feels so simple. I can see the finish line so clearly it feels I already am there. When I began this journey, I really didn't know what I was getting into. With each step I began to see more clearly how my physical weight was merely a reflection of the mess I was on the inside. In particularly, who I thought I was "supposed" to be. At home, I am a better housekeeper when my closets are clean and drawers organized. Apparently this is exactly the same way with my body. For years I tried to clean myself up to no avail without organizing the closets first. This blog thus far as been a process of shedding light where I didn't even know dust bunnies could hide. I had no idea how much cleaning I needed to do. Don't get me wrong. I've kept up maintenance on the outside. I've been practical. I've not gained weight. I've even lost a little bit, but it has been very slow. The great thing about spring cleaning is the newness of life with the beginning season. It's more than just knocking down some cobwebs. The winter is gone. Sure the cleaning is not always sunshine and rainbows, but the hope of spring and the expectation of life that follows makes it feel worth it. The revelations I get about myself are just deeper impressions of the same truths I've experienced. Every time I step into another one, it feels new because it is deeper and settles more permanently in my heart. I'm continually amazed at the intense simplicity of it all. It makes me chuckle how complicated I always seemed to make it. It really is as easy as floating down a river. (---That's how God said it would be.) For the first time, I can say with confidence that I've got my "closet" cleaned out. No more maintenance as usual. My body is fixing to reflect again what is going on on the inside. Skinny lives here.
Food Log = FLOG
Breakfast:
180 calories and 5 grams of fiber worth of chocolate shake.
Water. Water. Water.
Lunch at work:
3oz grilled hamburger on a bun with lots of lettuce, pickles, about 1/2 teaspoon of mayonnaise.
1/4 cup of slaw.
a few bites of baked beans
1/2 of a small chocolate chip cookie. (Just enough for me to decide the whole thing wasn't worth it.)
-Portion sizes were the key for me at lunch.
I made a mistake and let myself get too hungry before supper.
Supper:
1 small baked potato.
3 oz hamburger steak.
Large salad with 2 tablespoons of creamy dressing.
Bites of pudding and orange salad.
Even though I watched my portions and didn't really overeat calories, I still think I got too full. I blame this on the Incredible Hulk that produced from feeling too hungry before supper. "BACK OFF I'M STARVING."
Daily Bread:
More important than nutritional knowledge is the revelation of who I really am. This is the most important nourishment of the day.
When Jesus was in the desert being tempted, the devil came to him and said, "If you are a son of God, turn these stones into bread." Jesus answered, "Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God." (Matthew 4:3-4) Without getting too preachy preachy, let me just say:
Jesus IS the word of God, and also the bread of life.
Stones = law. (Moses was given the written law (10 commandments) on stone.
Satan was trying to get Jesus to "prove it." "Do something to become." I am beginning to believe this is really the only temptation there is. Jesus already knew who his daddy was, therefore, he was secure enough to not prove it.
For crying out loud. I'm a dietitian. It has been a booger to silence those thoughts in my head that "If I want to become better, then I'll lose weight." Because if anyone should know better, it should be me, right? Whew! Glad I'm over that! If there were step by step instructions on how to run this race, I would say the first would be to be confident in who you are so much so that you don't have to do anything to prove it. This is a fantastic truth that literally changed my life.
Chew on this....More than just knowing the word from God's mouth, you can experience him by just tuning in and waking up to his presence on the inside of you! The deeper you understand this powerful truth, the more confident you will feel you don't have to prove anything. You already are. Don't listen to voices that tell you that you will be better if you _____(fill in the blank.)
Nutritional Nugget:
I can't wait to make this little recipe again.....
Spaghetti Squash Marinara
Prep 20 minutes. Bake 30 minutes.
1 medium spaghetti squash (2 1/2 to 3 pounds.)
1/4 cup chopped onion
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 tablespoon cooking oil
1 16-oz can tomatoes, cut up
1 teaspoon dried Italian seasoning, crushed
1/8 teaspoon fennel seed, crushed (optional)
Grated Parmesan Cheese (optional)
1. Halve squash lengthwise. Scoop out seeds. Place squash, cut sides
down, in a large baking dish. Using a fork, prick the skin all over.
Bake in a 350 degree oven for 30-40 minutes or till tender.
2. For
sauce, cook onion and garlic in hot oil until onion is tender. Stir in the undrained tomatoes, Italian
seasoning, fennel seed (if desired), and 1/4 teaspoon each salt and
pepper. Bring to boiling. Reduce heat. Simmer uncovered for 10-15
minutes or to desired consistency, stirring often.
3. To serve,
remove the squash pulp from shell by carefully raking the stringy squash
pulp from the shell with a fork. It will continue to come as you
scrape. Separate the strands so that it looks like spaghetti. Spoon
the sauce over squash. Sprinkle with grated Parmesan cheese if desired.
Makes 6 servings. 80 calories per serving using oil. 3 grams fat.
236 mg sodium, 3 g fiber, 1 gram protein, loads of vitamins.
