I once saw a promo on daytime television for a talk show. “...And find out how she lost weight by reading a book.” I don't normally fall for advertising antics. We don't even have television any more but when I heard that, I was intrigued. Can it be that simple? I tuned in. The whole show was about lessons that different people learned from whatever book. I planned my whole day around what ended up being a thirty second interview with a girl who had finally lost the weight she always wanted. She said that she was active and fit, but had always struggled with the five or ten pounds over her ideal body weight and just couldn't lose it. Then she read one line in the book that made sort of a reference to trying to improve oneself. I cannot recall the word for word dialog, but the girl made a statement I have never forgotten. She said, “...anything 'er.”
I think I know what she is talking about. Here is my pitiful attempt at an explanation of this challenging concept. First a little back ground. I read a little bit about perfectionism once and that is something I struggle with. I know that sounds funny especially if you know me. Trust me, I still struggle with it on the inside, but I used to be a whole lot worse. Apparently perfectionism is an issue for first born children according to Kevin Leman and his “Birth Order Book.” Anyway, after going to Father about this, I heard him say one day, “If you think you have to be perfect, then you don't know you are already.” I believe this is what that girl on the talk show was talking about. It is something that I've been walking out ever since. It is time now to apply it to my weight loss journey like she did.
I am going to try to be as brief as I can on a New Testament foundational concept that most of us hardly ever capture in a life time. Don't get me wrong, I know no one is perfect. I used to think that perfection is a direction and something I am always to strive for but can never achieve. Now I see that anything I think I can become on my own is an impossible illusion. My perfection can only come from a gift that Jesus bought for me and is nothing I can achieve on my own. For me to deny my perfection in Him is to deny the very gift of salvation. If I think I can DO anything to become better, then I see that I “Am Not” when he already made me as, “I Am.” Just as I Am. That phrase needs to take on a whole different meaning in me. When I used to sing that phrase, I would concentrate on the filthiness of my person who needed a savior. Now I am changing my mind to see “Just as I Am” meaning Just as He is so am I. This is dealing with the very basic thesis of His whole kingdom and why we are in this mess in the first place. Adam and Eve forgot that they were made in the image of the Great I Am. They believed they lacked and DID something to try to become bett“ER.” That is when they began to see and create destruction.
Although there a lots of reason why I am fat, I know one underlying major issue is that I see lack in myself. I am so much more right-minded than I used to be, but I still struggle with thinking, “I am not enough.” I try to fill some sort of void in my mind with food and habitually overeat. What I have focused on has become my reality. This creates a negative cycle. The more weight I have gained, the more I feel “not enough” creating a deeper sense of lack. I have a mentality that, “I will be BETTER IF I lose weight.” Bett“ER.”
The very fact I think I can improve means that I recognize imperfections and areas where I lack. This is actually difficult, because obviously I need to work on some things. But it is focusing on this lack mentality that keeps me in bondage. I am only free if I know it.
I know this a deep issue with me because I compare myself with others. I tend to see others as being “better” than me if they are, for example, a healthy weight. I often have thoughts of how proud I will be of myself when I lose weight. My self worth cannot come from anything physical. That is shallow and unstable. I think it is like having confidence in a lie.
What I will keep reminding myself the truth he has shown me. I am enough just like I am. Weight loss will not make me better or more of anything. I cannot achieve anything, but as a gift I have already been given everything. I already am. I am excited to lose weight, but I will refuse to think that my weight makes me less. Casting off the “anything 'er” mentality will effortlessly take me to my destination.
Wins for Today
We were eating lunch with Nana today, so I planned appropriately. I was actually hungry most of the day even though I knew I had eaten enough food. I laid down with Ben for twenty minutes of his nap. I decided to get energy from rest instead of food I knew I did not need.
Nutritional Nugget
Increasing fiber intake is a goal for almost every nutritional counseling I do including cholesterol-lowering diet. Our liver makes bile from cholesterol. Bile is used to emulsify fats for digestion, but is reabsorbed in the intestines. Fiber causes bile to not be reabsorbed. If bile is excreted, then the liver has to make more bile therefore using up more cholesterol. Check the food labels. If there is 5 grams or more of fiber per serving, it is considered a high fiber food.
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